How I survived 3 babies in 3 years

I had 3 babies in just shy of 3 years. People often ask me how I did it. Here's my secret:

I didn't do it.

On my own I couldn't even make it 5 minutes. I simply wasn't patient enough, strong enough, rested enough, gracious enough, or loving enough.

I wasn't enough for the task God gave me, which was exactly his plan. Because he is abundantly enough, and he equipped me with enough grace for every overwhelming moment of every exhausting day. All I had to do was simply rely on him.

Reliance is the result of relationship. If you feel today that you simply aren't enough for the job you've been given, stop trying. Draw near to God, and be equipped with so much more than just enough.

Let your inability become the means to receiving God's all-sufficiency.

In the Tending Season

I'm crazy about peaches. I like to eat them whole, like an apple, leaning over the kitchen sink with the juice dripping off my chin. I like them so much that I may sneak away while my kids play in the other room to eat my peaches in secret.

It's hard to love peaches though. They're a fruit that requires faith. We invest in them when they are still hard, hoping for them to ripen to sweetness. Believing in the tender perfection that can burst forth if we catch them in that perfect moment. Sometimes that moment never comes. Sometimes they were picked too early and never lose their hardness or they were picked too late and the fruit has become mealy and bitter.

Peaches remind me of psalm 1:3, "He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers."

Mommies, we may be firmly planted trees, but we only bear fruit in season. If we try to force fruit during the seasons of sowing, trimming, or abiding, from our sheer willpower to produce, it may be mealy or hard. The tending seasons require faith and faithfulness. We still do the work: water, weed, and prune. We move forward in obedience to the tasks God sets before us, but there are seasons with little to no fruit.

Yet we hold fast in faith. We believe that God is working--in us and in our little ones--as we invest with hope, waiting for the moments of juicy sweetness, the ripe fruits. One day, we'll get our peaches.

Dating isn't an Extravagence

"I know for me, it's always you." - T.Swifty

We're ditching the kids tonight. Actually, we ditch them twice a month. It sounds extravagant, doesn't it? For years I thought it was enough to manage one night a month, which usually became one night every other month. After our second baby was born our marriage hit its lowest low. Finally my husband grabbed me, unmet need in his eyes, and told me that he needed to date me. Often. So I put my thinking cap on and came back with twice a month. One night a month the kids would sleepover with grandparents and another night we would get a babysitter. It was the first time we had ever paid a babysitter. We always relied on grandparents before that, and it just wasn't enough. Putting down money just to get out of the house felt borderline frivolous--even a bit selfish--and at first I balked at it. But I was wrong.

Dating is worth every penny, because it's loving my husband well.

Loving him well is loving my children well.

Loving him well is loving myself well.

Loving him well is loving God well.

Find a way, fellow mommies, find a way. Get grandparents in on the game. Do a kid exchange with another couple once a month. Skip a new shirt to pay for a babysitter. If you are dating often enough that it feels extravagant, it's probably just enough. Our most essential human relationship requires a little extravagance. 

God's Grace is Always Greater

If your motherhood load is 1, or 3, or 8 today, God's grace is greater than your job.

If you are pushing against the force of another week, God's grace is greater.

If you woke up in a bad mood, God's grace is greater.

If you can't break habitual sin, God's grace is greater.

If you don't like your kids today, God's grace is greater.

If you can't resist the lure of laziness, God's grace is greater.

If you wish you had any other job right now, God's grace is greater.

God's grace is sufficient enough for our tasks, redeeming of our failings, transforming of our attitudes, and abundant enough to always surpass our expectations. God's grace is always greater. 

The Advantages of Kids

I often think back on those blissful pre-kid days. The ones where I controlled my time, my body, and even my mind. Those days are long gone, but in the rough-and-tumble trials of parenthood, it helps to take a moment to remember that it's not without advantages.

The Advantages of Having Kids:

1. Those times when you "can't get a babysitter:" It's the perfect excuse to skip any social events you just don't want to attend: Your second cousin's second wedding? I'm sure that night will prove impossible to find a babysitter. That high school play you can't wait to miss? Sorry, all the grandmas are busy that night.
2. Get to do all those awesome kid activities again: slip n slides, trampolines, trips to the zoo, amusement park rides, swimming pools, coloring books, and sports are all socially acceptable again.
3. Reading your own books can be categorized as setting a good example for your kids: It's true that kids who see their parents reading, read more, so read away! Sit those kids down with their own stack of books and declare it reading time for the whole family!
4. Chores: two words: free labor. Enough said.
5. The perfect excuse not to clean: It's Saturday, and you really should clean your house. Outside the sun is shining and the leaves are ablaze with fall. Never fear! Your kids have to get outside! A trip to the orchard, zoo, park, or arboretum is obviously in order. In fact, it's your job. Go ahead and neglect your home. You've got a free ticket for fun! The weather is awful? No problem--I'm sure your kids are dying to check out a Saturday afternoon movie. Don't fret, you need some family time.
6. Stranger Sympathy: Oh, you mean you have 3 kids? 6 kids? All boys? All girls? 2 under 2? 3 under 3? You must be SO busy. Let me get the door for you. You can go ahead in the Target line. Your life must be so difficult. Yeah, all those things may be true, but it's great to hear them, right? The world knows, this job ain't easy! Enjoy the respect and admiration of strangers and friends alike!
7. The LOVE: Yeah, it's cheesy, but kids love to love their parents. There's nothing quite like the unprompted kiss on the cheek or sweet, unexpected "love you." Parents get the benefit of that cute-as-a-button, pure-faced affection. It might be hard work, but. That. love. It's worth wading through the waters of sleepless nights and endless fights. Despite all our imperfect parenting, those babies love us with all our their mighty, little hearts. Don't ever forget it!

I'm with you, having kids is always hard work, BUT, it's not without it's benefits! Take a moment to read an extra chapter today, shirk some cleaning for fun, or better yet, force your kids to do it! You're a parent, you can. 

Dear Angry Toddler: A Letter of Repentance

Dear Angry Toddler,

I know that you don't hate me.

I know that you may actually prefer to be naked and free.

I know that putting on clothes may make you feel hindered and uncomfortable.

I also know that you may just be grasping for control wherever you can find it.

Dear Angry Toddler,

I'm so sorry.

I get so angry when you make my life less than easy.

I get so angry when you won't just listen and obey me.

I get so angry when I wonder if another mom could do this better than me.

I get so angry when I wonder if after giving you all of myself, you don't even like me.

Dear Angry Toddler,

I'm sorry that you see your anger reflected back in me.

We are cut from the same cloth.

We are both carrying the deepest need of serving the all-mighty me.

We are both sinners, and we hurt each other daily.

Dear Angry Toddler,

Please forgive me.

May the mercy I constantly receive begin to flow over to you when you are angry.

May I be an instrument of Jesus in your times of need.

May I set aside self to servant-lead.

May I lead you to Jesus, and his mercy seat.

Dear Angry Toddler,

We have the same need.

Jesus, forgive us and take the lead. 

A Happy Birthday for Mom?

Last Thursday was my birthday. I turned 31--pretty awesome, right? Yeah, no need to congratulate me. Since I became a mom almost five years ago, birthdays haven't been the best. There's really nothing to look forward to, right? Unless my husband whisks me away for an unexpected trip sans kiddos, a birthday is just another day of work. The needs of my children don't vanish for the day so I can lay in bed all day watching movies. Even my dreams of the perfect birthday have been diminished to something as mediocre as watching movies!

If I get really honest with myself, even before motherhood, birthdays were often a let down. I have always expected to get everything I wanted on my birthday, and it pretty much never happened. I think I cried at every birthday party I had as a kid, usually because another child added "cha-cha-cha" to the birthday song when I had specifically requested no "cha-cha-cha's," or something equally horrifying.

Motherhood has only heightened the tension between birthday expectations and birthday realities. A day spent doing whatever you want whenever you want with whoever you want when you're a mom…it's an oxymoron. By definition, the majority of our lives as mothers is spent worrying about what our little people want and need. For years this felt like a death sentence on my birthday happiness, but not anymore.

This year, I decided to give myself a Happy Birthday by choosing to find happiness in whatever I needed to do that day. To celebrate turning 31 I made breakfast, read my Bible, went child shoe shopping and only managed to find 1 of 3 necessary pairs, changed diapers, ate lunch with my boys and MIL at Panera, put a son down for a nap, got a surprise gift of a kiss and an I Love You from my preschooler, helped a toddler stay in his room during quiet time, packed for the cabin, let my sons watch a TV show while at Noodles for dinner, entertained children in the car for 3 hours, received gifts and ate cake and let my boys stay up way too late once we arrived at the cabin, and even managed a few chapters of a book.

It was an average day of motherhood, but this quiet little life of mine is a gift. There's plenty of happiness and celebration to be found in these little people I serve. It might not be everything I imagine I would want to do, but it could be enough. Enough to be a Happy Birthday.