My God-Driven Publishing Journey Begins

  

From him, through him, and to him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen. Romans 11:36

From Him:

It was November 2014. I had a 3-year-old, a 17-month-old, and a 3-month old. I was overwhelmed. I was exhausted. I was suffering. I was stuck in the deep muck of failure. I was failing at motherhood by the world's standards. I was failing at life by my standards. I was failing at holiness by God's standards. I was so tired of failure.

Then God told me the most freeing news: I would always fail. I'm a sinner saved by grace, but I'm still not perfect. No one is. Only God can be perfect. I didn't need to be perfect.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

God didn't want me to be a perfect mom, a perfect woman, or even a perfect Christian. If I was perfect, I didn't need Him. Instead I should be content with weakness. My weakness was a ticket to God's strength. When I feel competent in my roles as mother, wife, and Christ-follower, I rely on my own strength (and always fail). Instead I needed to give up the pursuit of being the best mom and focus my life on filling up with God's grace. I've probably always known this truth, but applied to my life as a mom, my mind was blown. All I needed to do was sit in God's daily grace. I would fail at times, but I could retreat back to Him as my savior instead of myself. When I get motherhood wrong, God gets EVERYTHING right. In fact, He can use my failure as an opportunity for me to receive more of Him. What Good News!

As this truth started to reshape how I viewed motherhood, I couldn't believe that it took three babies (in three years) for me to figure this out. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops--Mommies of the World: we don't have to be perfect! What sweet relief! I wanted everyone to know. I can remember one specific middle-of-the-night feeding. I was scrolling through facebook, and I grew so discouraged as I saw several friends with young babies who were obviously struggling through the same painful failure I had experienced. I wondered why there wasn't a book I could send to them. They needed help! Then God nudged me. Maybe if there wasn't a book to point them to God's grace through the complicated first year of a baby's life, someone needed to write it. Maybe that someone was me. The idea seemed crazy. It was crazy. It is crazy. All of my previous insecurity came pushing forward: I wasn't a Supermom. Women shouldn't look to me for how to do motherhood. All I knew how to do was fail at all of it. But then I realized I probably could write the book on failure, the book that encouraged women to let go of all the expectations and embrace God's daily grace for their imperfection. I could probably write that book. So I did. It's called UnsuperMommy.

Through Him:

I wrote the book mostly on my phone as I played with my children. It was the impossible task that God wouldn't let me shake. I tried to quit so many times, but God would inevitably push me back into it using unsuspecting friends and acquaintances that convinced me this book was needed. Writing the book was a constant act of God's grace. He transformed my own heart through writing it, and I pray that it will one day be the means God uses to bring other mommy hearts into the shelter of his grace.

I've always planned to self-publish UnsuperMommy. I knew how much work it was to do a book proposal, get an agent, rewrite the book proposal, and finally get a publisher. My husband wanted me to pursue traditional publishing, but I just didn't have it in me. One day I felt God nudging me, "But have you prayed about it?" I hadn't. So I prayed, "God, if you want this book to be traditionally published, you'll have to make a publisher reach out to me." I laughed in my heart as I prayed. I knew it was a ridiculous prayer. I didn't know anyone in the publishing industry and I didn't have a "k" after the number of my followers on Instagram. But I prayed that ridiculous prayer, and God answered it. Because He can do ANYTHING. When will I ever learn?

Enter the magic of social media: I had been trying the new app periscope out as a way to practice public speaking. Periscope is the toastmasters of my generation! When I would start streaming on periscope I felt like I needed to introduce myself. Before I even realized it, I was sharing publicly that I was writing a book called UnsuperMommy. Generally I was a bit embarrassed (and nervous that I wouldn't finish) to announce that I was writing a book, so I had avoided sharing about it on both Facebook and Instagram. But that magical Periscope, it just brings out all the secrets!

Here's where it gets crazy: the day after I prayed what I thought was a silly, impossible prayer, I got an unexpected message on Facebook from one of my teachers from Junior High. He had seen a few of my periscopes (yep, the only place I talked about writing a book) and Instagram and he thought he could help me with my book…because he is the editorial director for a Christian publishing company called BroadstreetPublishing! I couldn't believe it. I probably read that message 10 times before it started to sink it. We met and it was a perfect fit. A match literally made in Heaven.

To Him:

Now I'm signed to publish my book with Broadstreet Publishing in 2017. Because God writes the best stories. Because God gave me that teacher in that tiny Christian school so many years ago. Because God brought me to the end of myself in motherhood. Because God wouldn't let my mind rest without sharing how his Gospel applies to the hardship of motherhood. Because God prompted me to pray. Because I did so with only a mustard seed of faith. Because God directed me to be open on Periscope about my calling. Because God gave David Sluka's wife a crazy 3 babies in 3 years mothering situation even more difficult than my own. Because God can use something as trivial as social media to connect two people together for His purpose. Because God is God over every little step along the way.

I need you all to hear this: I didn't do anything. I obeyed God's calling by the grace of God alone. Lord willing, I will continue to obey him. He has been responsible for all the fruit so far. He alone will be the creator of all the fruit. I'm just blessed to be a part of this.

When you hear this story, please don't think I'm special. I'm just stewarding a gift from God. Please join with me in praying for UnsuperMommy to reach far beyond the limits of my circle of influence to all the women God knows desperately need the truth of the Gospel to free them from Super Mommy expectations. Pray that I remain obedient to his calling among the pressure of daily life as a mom. Pray that the fruit of UnsuperMommy is God's glory, not mine.

If you want to follow along with me on my journey, I'm @unsupermommy on Instagram, Periscope, and Twitter. Soon I'll have unsupermommy.com up and running, but until then you'll have to follow this humble blog to receive encouragement in embracing imperfection to receive God's grace!

Toddler Travel Tricks (You've Never Heard Before)

Last week we went to Florida with my parents and my brother's family. Between my brother's family and ours we have 5 kids in the toddler and preschool range: 18 months, almost 2, 2.5, 3.5, and 4.5. I've been to Florida for a week with a kid in tow every winter for the last 5 years, and I'm just now getting the logistics figured out. I thought I would compile a couple helpful hints for you that I haven't read on other blogs.

1. Don't bring baby supplies with you. Order them on Amazon! Did you know that you can have packages delivered to your hotel and they will hold on to them for you? I've sent diapers, wipes, baby food, and even toddler food packets this way. This works best if you have Amazon Prime because you know exactly what day the items will arrive, but it can be useful with the regular free shipping as well. Want to kick it up a notch? Try this money-saving trick: Don't pay $50 in baggage fees to bring your pack-n-play as a carry on, and don't pay the hotel $15/night to rent a pack-n-play when you can buy one on Amazon for $40 and have it shipped directly to the hotel you are staying at! Just drop it at the nearest Goodwill on your drive to the airport or leave it in the hotel when you are done! Highchairs are another great option to have shipped directly to your hotel to avoid the exorbitant fees the hotel will charge you per day.
2. Bring toys that do double-duty: You can imagine my surprise this year when the toys I brought for the pool and the sand became their favorite in-room toys. I could have just brought a bag of sand toys and they would have been perfectly content!
3. Bring throw-away toys: Don't bring the best. Bring the neglected fast-food toys or the half-broken-on-their-last-leg toys. When there isn't any other toys as options, the kids will be delighted. And if you lose one, no big deal. Also, if you're like me and like to shop on vacation, toss out the old toys when you leave and use the extra space in your bag for that new pair of shoes you couldn't pass up. I also love to collect Chik-Fil-A or dollar spot books for a couple months before a trip. They are super light and offer a new reading experience that can be tossed before traveling home. What could be more perfect?
4. Use the hotel toys: Did you know that many pool areas keep pool and sand toys donated by previous visitors? Call ahead to see if your hotel or resort has any toys on hand before bringing loads of  floaties for the pool or buckets and shovels for the beach.
5. Pack Less Stuff: The more stuff you put in your hotel room, the harder it is to keep it picked up. If you're traveling with kids, you're probably going somewhere that has a target, walmart, grocery store, or pharmacy nearby. You don't have to bring every item you might possibly need. If you do that, you probably won't be able to find it in the mountain of your dirty clothes when the moment of crisis hits. Stick with the basics. I always wish I had packed a little less.
6. Leave your perfect vacation expectations at home: My brother's friend once told him: "Before you have kids, you go on vacation. After you have kids, you go on a TRIP." My friends, that saying could not be more true. Our winter trips are no longer about the old R&R. My husband and I wasted years of vacations striving to find pockets in our trip where we could take a nap, read a book, or simply sit alone in the quiet. The pursuit of our own rest was fruitless, and left us disappointed and angry.  This year we adjusted our expectations. We through rest and relaxation out the window. This year our goal was relationships! Despite both of us going down for about 24 hours with the flu, we had a joyful and fun week together as a family. It's amazing how simply adjusting an expectation led to contentment with what we received. It was an imperfect week, but it was so, so good.  

Got any other great tips to add? Share them in the comments! I love hearing what works well for other moms. Anyone else have plans to TRAVEL (not vacation this winter?). My husband and I are escaping on a cruise without the kids in a month and I'm looking forward to actually getting to rest on that trip!

Friday Friends #2

Hey Friday Friends!

Every Friday I do a post of random items I would have to tell my BFF if she called me up right now. If you need to hear why you aren't a stalker for reading and responding to these, check out my first Friday Friends post to feel all the warm fuzzies from me. Since I get lonely in motherhood, I'm going to share a bit of myself here and would LOVE if you responded with a few Friday Friend items to me in the comments here on the blog, Insta, or FB.  You could even do your own Friday Friend post on your blog, IG, or FB and we'll meet up through the hashtag #fridayfriendsmeetup. Without further ado, here's my list:

1. I'm leaving for a week in Sanibel Island, Florida today! My parents will be there, and one of my brothers, his wife, and two girls. We'll have the following kid ages: 4.5, 3.5, 2.5, almost 2, and 1.5. Yup. Let the preschool/toddler adventures commence. 

2. The thing I'm most excited for in Florida is the FRUIT. The juxtaposition of that fresh sweet fruit against the canned stuff I've been living on is just perfection.

3. I've been potty-training my second son, Zander, for months and he's still only partially trained. Ugh. My firstborn was fully trained in two weeks. Isaac did it completely for the praise and the joy of pleasing Mommy (#peoplepleaserbenefits am I right?). This guy wants to be doing it, but just doesn't care if he does it all the way and I feel like we will NEVER move beyond this point. Every time he pees his pants (about once a day) I feel like it's my fault because I am not keeping as close track of when he might need to go as I did for my firstborn. Also, my 18-month-old, Judah, throws a fit every time I lock him out of the bathroom, but he just can't be there. 

4. All the boys have been out of sorts for the past couple of weeks. Tons of fighting, including (oh joy!) the little guys have started fighting/pushing/kicking/hitting each other. So let's just go on vacation and share really close quarters for a week. Ahhh! Hoping maybe the warmer weather and outside fun will change their attitudes. We definitely need a reset.

5. I LOVE podcasts. They are so perfect for moms. I love listening to them while I do the dishes or the laundry. The podcasts even make me look forward to those activities! I find that I'm more productive because I'm in a happier mood too. Just use the podcast app on your phone. PLEASE check out the Jamie Ivey Happy Hour podcast, especially the Jamie Nato episode. I'm going to go back and listen to it again because it was so super encouraging and real. I'll share more of my favorites here in the future!

Have a happy Friyay Friends! 

The Unexpected Fruit of a Survival Season

How did you do it?

I get asked that question all the time. Mostly by parents freshly in the newborn stage of their second or third child. Trying to learn the impossible juggle of managing multiple needs. Why do they think I have the answer? Because when my second son was only 5 months old, I became pregnant with my third. No, we didn't plan it that way. Yes, we do know how it happens. When Judah was born my oldest was 3 days shy of turning 3 and my middle son was 13.5 months old. It. Was. Rough.

First, you have to know that I didn't do it beautifully. I was a mess. My house and my kids were a mess. We watched more TV than I would care to admit. We didn't get out of our pajamas a couple days a week. At one point I had to call a moratorium on play dates. All I did was survive it. Nothing fancy. Nothing perfect. There were countless tears and too many blowups amid the blowouts. I had to ask for my oldest son's forgiveness several times a day. I thought I would never see it through. That I would never be anything other than the angry, exhausted, barely-managing mother. 

I starved myself from God's Word for months before I came to my utter end. He used an unexpected source, Instagram of all places, to encourage me back into His Truth. I had become a spiritual baby again, and I needed some spoon feeding. I'm so thankful for all the women on Instagram who constantly put God's truth up to counteract the lies that fill our hearts. Then through an influence network class by Jess Connolly God encouraged me to learn to snack on his Word. I didn't have the time or mental stamina for meals of his Word, but I began to snack throughout my day and his Truth pulled me back into the shelter of His wings among the storm of my life.

Eventually, I learned to wake up with the attitude that my only expectation was that I walk with Jesus that day. Even if no naps were managed, food came from a box, diapers remained unchanged for far too long, and too much TV was consumed, but I walked through it with Jesus, it was good. That's how I survived it. With Jesus.

I came to the utter end of myself and found Jesus. God let motherhood break me so I could be rebuilt. Sometimes the only way to wholeness is to be completely broken. I grew up in a Christian home, and I don't remember a time I didn't know Jesus, but I never knew Him like this before. He sustained me not just day-by-day, but moment-by-moment. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't perfect, but I did it. I survived the fire. I came out refined. Less obsessed with my list but head full of Jesus.

I sowed sorrow, exhaustion, failures, and inabilities and now I'm reaping faith like I've never known. 

Now that I know Him like that--when I've walked with him through the rough ride of the external while managing the awful of my own sin--I'll never be the same. Last week, after grieving for the pain of the present and future trial of my uncle and his family from his stroke, I was still able to clear the dishes, turn on some music, and stand at my kitchen sink, arms stretched high and sing: "rejoice. When you cry to him he hears your voice. In the midst of suffering He will help you sing." Because I know that. I know that. I can rejoice because I know that all roads belong to Him. I can rejoice because He never leaves me to myself. I can rejoice because I have suffered and He heard my voice when my cry was only a whisper hidden deep in the dry folds of my inner soul.

He redeems the imperfect, the simple, the subpar. His power flows through our weak and weary frames. We just have to give up. Acknowledge that we can't do one minute of motherhood without his power and his grace. When you reach the end of your rope, He is the net. Fall into his redemption.

We can't survive another minute without Him.

Sitting in the loving arms of Jesus. That's how I do it.

{If you're struggling through life with a newborn, check out my friend Gina Zeidler's latest blog for more encouragement. You are not alone: http://ginazeidler.com/2016/01/14/ending-my-challenging-motherhood-silence/

The Purple-Haired Mommy

A lot of people are curious about my purple hair. No, it was not in support of the Vikings ill-fated playoff attempt. It wasn't about the new year or an attempt to outwardly demonstrate some inward change.

The simple explanation is that I wanted purple hair. 1. I love purple (this is not news). 2. I get easily bored with my hair, so when I'm in a growing out stage I often experiment with color.

Here's the details: it's Manic Panic brand in Purple Haze. It's semi-permanent color, so I wouldn't be surprised if I lose most of it in the pool next week in Florida. You are supposed to bleach all your hair before dyeing, but I wasn't up to that commitment so I have a lot more vibrant color on my previously blonde ends than my dark root area, and I like purple ombré effect it created.

I wanted to dye my hair purple for a long time, but a few things held me back:

1. My husband: For a long time I assumed he would hate it, but when I finally really asked him and showed him pictures, he was all for it. Isn't it fun with your spouse surprises you? I always assume I know what his response will be, but I should probably give him more opportunities to give his opinion before I assume I know it.
2. My Kids: Well, not so much my kids as my status as a MOM. I felt like it wasn't motherly to have purple hair.
3. My Conservative Status: I'm a Christian and a pretty conservative girl on top of that. As much as I wanted to try purple hair, I didn't like the idea of people assuming I was alternative instead of conservative.

Why did I do it anyway?

Because it's totally me. As I looked in the mirror touching my newly purple locks, I told my husband that my high-school self would be squealing and giving me high fives if she could see me now. Because although I'm conservative, I'm a little wild too. I'm a major rule and tradition follower, but I'm also a bit of a renegade. I decided I didn't care if people thought I was alternative or the nanny instead of the mom. I wanted to be ME more than I cared about what acquaintances or strangers thought of me.

Because I want my kids to know all of me. Not just the conservative, by-the-book mom, but also the silly, fun, uninhibited mom too. The mom who comes up with crazy ideas and follows through with them. I hope one day after I'm long gone, they'll tell their kids or their grandkids that I was the kind of mom who died her hair purple. I don't have to be the mom who looks like all the other moms to be a good mom to my boys.

So here's to purple hair. To letting every part of my personality influence my motherhood. To never being too afraid of what other people think to be myself. To letting my kids really know me, even my wild side and especially my imperfections. Here's to being a purple-haired UnsuperMommy.

Friday Friends #1

Hey Blog Friends!

I'm attempting to post to my blog more regularly, so I wanted to start a special feature for Fridays. I may know you well, I may not know you in real life at all, or we may be in that acquaintance place where you might feel like a stalker checking out my blog. Let me first assure you, whether I know you well, a little, or not at all, there's no stalking here. This is my open book. I'm going to put my true self, struggles and triumphs and all onto this blog, and I'd love if you joined me for the ride. Get into the game by commenting here or on my Instagram or Facebook posts or catching me over on my periscope! When people respond to something I blog about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

What's Friday Friendly going to be? A short blog where I share the kinds of tidbits that come up in conversations with all my real life friends. Imagine you are my best friend and you called me up because the kiddos are down for sleep and you just need a good chat. These Friday blogs will be me just sharing unfiltered me. I figure even if you are my real life best friend (you know who you are), we can't get a lot of chances to just chit-chat.

The truth is, motherhood can feel really lonely. It can feel like no one really knows me because it's just impossible to maintain those long-hour, daily friendships like what I grew up enjoying. These posts will be an attempt to counteract that feeling. I want you to know me and I want to know you. I'd love if you shared a few random thoughts about your weekly experience in the blog comments or on my Insta or Facebook. Let's open up and get to know each other through the daily simple thoughts of life as young mothers. Enough explanation, here goes!

1. I'm a Woo: 

If you haven't done Strengthsfinder 2.0, I highly suggest it. I just retook the test to determine my strengths. It had been 5 years or so and my life has changed a LOT, so I thought maybe my strengths would look different in this season. I'm going to persicope and probably blog more about this in the coming weeks, but I want you to know I'm a Woo. Woo is short for "winning others over." Woo's thrive on building new relationships and getting to know people. Like I said before, don't think you are a stalker. I LOVE meeting new people or finding new connections with old acquaintances. Reach out, I'd love to make a connection with you. It gives me a natural high!

2. My 17-month-old fell out of his crib at 1 am the other night:

I have never even seen him try to escape his crib, and he makes his first attempt in the middle of the night. I'm just crossing my fingers that it was a scary enough experience that he won't attempt it again any time soon. If he does, I may have to get one of those weird tent things for above his crib because he is definitely not ready for a big boy bed. He's probably my last baby, so I had been really hoping he would stick in his crib until maybe 2 and 1/2. He just flushed that pipe dream right down the toilet.

3. I'm all about bold lipstick these days:

When my mom taught me to wear makeup in Junior High, she stressed simple rosy lipstick, even though she always wore bright colors herself. I've been slowly working my way into fun lipstick colors for the past 3ish months and I'm loving it. I've always told my friends that putting on jewelry is the perfect way to fake that you put effort into your outfit, and I'm finding lipstick is the jewelry of makeup! I definitely don't put makeup on every day, but if I dab on a bold red in the car I look like I tried. It's a pretty amazing trick that takes about 15 seconds. My favorite colors right now are dark berry and cherry red. Lovely. Try it!

4. I'm already packing for our trip to Florida next Friday:

That will seem early or right on time to some of you, but I feel WAY behind. Since we don't need our summer clothes in January in Minnesota, I usually pack for Florida at least two weeks in advance. Yes, I'm that crazy person.

5. I spend way too much mental energy on Curious George: That program actually has pretty clever writing (especially the Halloween and Christmas specials), but some of it's assumptions drive me crazy. Why is George always at fault when the Man with the Yellow Hat is essentially letting a preschooler run around NYC on his own? Why does everyone George meets in NYC find it totally natural to see a monkey running around the city? How is he able to visit the Zoo without being accidentally locked in an exhibit? Oh George.



I hope you know me a little better now. I'd love to know you better too! Comment below or on Insta or FB with a couple Friday Friendlies about yourself! I'd love to woo you into friendship with me.

When Daddy Works Late

My husband works late about once a week. It can be rough. I dread that night. Often, he tells me early in the week so I can plan around it, but there are times when the clock hits 5 and I haven't heard from him all day and my heart just knows--he's going to be late. Sigh.

Let me just pause for a moment and give a major shoutout to single moms and military wives who do night time all by themselves every night. You rock.

My husband is working late two nights this week. TWO nights. Since I know ahead of time, I can plan my day to prepare for the crazy of dad-less dinner and bedtime. Here's what I do:

1. Keep Dinner Simple: 

Obvious, right? But I can't tell you how many times I've stubbornly stuck to a "real dinner" rather than stay simple and do only food the kids love. Avoid dinner battles like the plague on nights without Daddy. Tonight's dinner: raviolis (not homemade, no way) and Costco pesto sauce. I also don't shy away from calling up the grandparents to see what their dinner plans are and if involve 3 overactive boys and 1 tired mom.

2. Pace Myself:

Although a mommy work day always lasts until bedtime (I won't even mention everything we do after they go to bed), we're used to the reprieve of that Daddy Home moment and all the help that comes after it. Dinner and bedtime are no easy feat, but they are particularly hard when we're missing half of the tag-team.

When I'm used to running a 5k of motherhood every day, and suddenly get thrown into a half-marathon, I must adjust my pace. When Daddy's working late, I give myself extra breathing room throughout the day. I revert to rest-when -they-rest, newborn-style living. Cross today's day off the top of my list and write tomorrow's day there instead. Almost every goal I've set for myself can wait. Better to maintain a rhythm of rest than become Volcano Mommy, spewing angry mouthfuls of crushing criticism. I know enough about myself as a mom to recognize when I just need rest. So they are asleep or on quiet time and I know Dad's coming home late, I forget the task list and indulge: watch a tv show, read a book, surf the internet, or even take a nap.

When they aren't resting I continue to maintain a slow pace for the day, forgetting the unnecessary and just being Mom.

3. Plan an extra treat:

Think of something special for your kids and keep it in your back pocket for when the breaking point comes. Then you just step back and yell over the chaos: I've got _____ waiting! Think a trip to the playground, that book with flaps you have to keep on top of the fridge so it doesn't get destroyed, a popsicle, or even a bath. Today I have homemade chocolate chip cookies at the ready for when the insanity breaks loose beyond my control.

4. Do a Daddy Thing:

For my 3 boys, it's wrestling, tickling, or Hide and Seek after dinner. I try to do one of their favorite Dad-activities on nights he can't be home with them. Because it's hard for them to not see Daddy too. Because my husband fills a different role in their lives than I do. I can't replace Dad, but I can get outside of my box and give them a small dose of what he offers them.

5. Receive and Give Extra Grace:

I'm going to get honest and say some days I nurse grudges against one or all of my children. Because as much as I talk about giving space for failure in myself and my kids, my default is always going to be expecting perfection of all of us. When I know it's going to be a long day, I have to receive extra grace from God and let it overflow to my kids. Pray for a supernatural filling of the Holy Spirit. Repeat a simple Bible verse (I can do all things through him who strengthens me, Phil 4:13). Play worship songs on my phone. He gives me new grace for every new day. There's always enough on God's table to overflow into my relationships with my kids, but I don't always eat everything He is providing.

When Dad Gets Home:

My husband got home just in time to tuck my oldest son in for the night. But no matter when Wes gets home, even if it's a minute after I finish putting all the boys to bed or shortly before I go to sleep, my attitude should be the same: grateful. Because my man doesn't work late to make my life more difficult. He doesn't work late to avoid his family. He works early mornings and late nights to provide for our us. He works long hours to make certain his job is done right for the good of the company and for the good of his family. And for that I'll greet him with a kiss and a listening ear, not a list of my hard day.