I have a blessing to share. I am currently 7.5 weeks pregnant with our second child. We are so excited to, Lord willing, hold a new little one sometime around July 10, 2013. I felt the need to write a blog post about it rather than just announcing it on facebook because I know that my news may cause pain to some friends or family who want so desperately to have news of their own to share.
God gave us this child, but it was not without walking through our own painful waiting period first. With Isaac, it took 4 months to get pregnant. I remember how long that felt, and the fear that it would never happen. But this time four months came and went, and we continued to wait. I had heard that it is often easier to get pregnant the second time, so I was hopeful that it would only take a couple of months and we would be set for a spring baby (what I really wanted!). But the months came and went. 6 months was a particularly difficult marker for me. I never, ever thought it would take me more than 6 months to conceive again.
Praise God, in our seven month of trying, He blessed us with a baby. When I saw the test, I cried for a good half hour or so. Honestly, I wept. I felt so much relief and joy that my body was completely unable to process it.
There are a couple things I learned during my process that I hope might be an encouragement to other women experiencing this or those walking alongside of these women:
1. Anyone who has ever struggled to conceive will tell you that it’s the process that is the worst. That monthly cycle of trying and disappointment and crazy hormones. One thing that I felt God distinctly telling me as I waited was that it wasn’t patience if I wasn’t hoping for a child. So many months I wanted to just not hope, because if I wasn’t hoping, it wouldn’t be so painful when I didn’t get it. That was wrong: its not patience just to not hope for the gift deferred. If I lost hope, I would just gain a hard heart.
2. This piece of encouragement came from a dear friend: there are no stories in the bible of women who were infertile who didn’t eventually end up mothers. God hears our hearts.
3. If you have someone in your life that is struggling to get pregnant, please do not tell them, “it will happen soon.” This is all too common of a response. If you have been trying for some time and not gotten pregnant, you know that it is beyond our human abilities to cause it to happen. So to tell someone it will happen soon is saying you know the will of God. A better response is, “I will pray that God blesses you with a child soon.” (If anyone has a better response idea, feel free to share it in the comments.)
4. Waiting is painful. I have a dear friend who has been waiting for a husband for many years. I used to just say to her, “you’re young; you have time. Don’t worry about it so much.” That was wrong. Her waiting is painful, no matter how young, no matter how short, her waiting was difficult. I know I only waited 7 months for something I longed for, but I have so many friends who have waited for longer and shorter periods of time for things they hoped for: husbands, babies, a move back to family, whatever. Don’t discount the pain of waiting.
5. Nothing we do as humans can cause us to get pregnant one month or not get pregnant another. God holds life in his hands. Only when he creates life within us do we receive the blessing of pregnancy. Even if you do everything right or everything wrong according to the books, God bestows life. This concept was so frustrating to me. I wanted to be able to make it happen: me, me, me! I couldn’t. God did. Praise Him.
I feel God’s blessing and gift in this pregnancy so much more than I did with Isaac because I know that I was a passive participant. He created this life; it ultimately belongs to God, not Wes and I. Praise Him for his goodness and everlasting love.
And to anyone reading this who is in the waiting phase: I am praying for you. During my time of joy, I will not forget the hurting. And God has not forgotten you. Dear Lord, satisfy their hearts in you, and open their bodies to the children they long for. In Jesus’ powerful life-giving Name, Amen.